Feb. 20th, 2011

another_constellation: A white man smiling at a laptop (Default)
Okay, I'm doing a bit better today. I went to CVS last night and just stared at the wall of menstrual supplies for like ten minutes. I felt simultaneously like every single dad in a sitcom and a twelve-year-old girl. I had a Diva, but sold it a few years ago and Insteads make me natious when they press on my cervix. So tampons it was. I just kept muttering things like "but how many hours is regular?" All this sort of basic stuff that a twenty-three-year-old should know.I was literally muttering "but how heavy is my flow?" Because, of course, I had no way of knowing. Until I started leaking. Four years of missing data.

THe suicidal impulse is gone, and urge to cry is mostly intermittant. It was my gram's birthday party today, which was nice, and awkward. Lots of family and people who haven't seen me since I was a kid, let alone since I transitioned. One of my great aunts called me Levi. I didn't correct her. I always wonder what they have been told. If thye think I am just another nephew (it's a big family), if they know how I fit in, if they wonder where the old me went, if they think I still am that person.

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another_constellation: A white man smiling at a laptop (Default)
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July 2011

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