(no subject)

[another_constellation]

Matthew asked me my old name. It makes me feel very far away when people do that. That name hurt me a lot. He was very nice about it. He has a friend who just came out as trans and is trying to find a new name. He wanted to know how people get new names. He said "what did your name used to be, if you don't mind me asking?" I shook my head very tightly and he said that he was sorry and it's okay. Another roommate asked me who was the first person to call me Eli or when I started using that and I explained a little*. That is an okay question to me, because it is about me and now and the choices I made.

I don't really understand why I am crying. Something just hurts a lot right now.


*My old name started with an L. When I was trying to figure things out, I used el, because it's the same sound, then e, then eli, then Eli/Elijah.