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I can't sleep
Dec. 1st, 2010 06:33 amVaguely heart-broken, which is sort of my default.
Saw my ex today. It was awkward, but I didn't feel the love or anger rushing back at me, like I imagined I would. I buried those parts of myself. For now, at least.
In class, we were talking about "Thirteen Reasons Why," which is narrated (in part) by a girl who has decided to kill herself. Really shitty comments about whiny, depressed suicidal people and how part of us cheers when they finally do it. There's a woman in the class whom I really like because she always manages to bring us back to the humanizing place. She looked like she was having a hard time with it. Also, I'm prjecting, because I was totally having a hard time with it. My litmus test for whether a book is Problematic or not is whether I will be embarrassed describing it to someone who the book is about.
And so I disclosed that the reason I reacted strongly to Hannah was that she reminded me so much of myself when I was suicidal, and that what we are seeing is the moments of clarity and power before she kills herself, moments she has been greatly deprived of.
The discussion changed after that.
Saw my ex today. It was awkward, but I didn't feel the love or anger rushing back at me, like I imagined I would. I buried those parts of myself. For now, at least.
In class, we were talking about "Thirteen Reasons Why," which is narrated (in part) by a girl who has decided to kill herself. Really shitty comments about whiny, depressed suicidal people and how part of us cheers when they finally do it. There's a woman in the class whom I really like because she always manages to bring us back to the humanizing place. She looked like she was having a hard time with it. Also, I'm prjecting, because I was totally having a hard time with it. My litmus test for whether a book is Problematic or not is whether I will be embarrassed describing it to someone who the book is about.
And so I disclosed that the reason I reacted strongly to Hannah was that she reminded me so much of myself when I was suicidal, and that what we are seeing is the moments of clarity and power before she kills herself, moments she has been greatly deprived of.
The discussion changed after that.